"I was really tired. Not just normal tired, but trouble-walking tired."
-- Wednesday, October 03, 2007
5/18
For some strange reason today I was really tired. Not just normal tired, but trouble walking tired. I guess it’s all-just catching up with us because everyone else seems to feel the same. I’m going to try to go to bed early tonight. Maybe that will help. We had a temptation tonight. They tried to tempt the trainers with cupcakes. Yeah right, Jillian wouldn’t budge. I think they could have offered her a million dollars and she still wouldn’t eat them. It was the principal of the whole thing. She is trying to teach us about making wise choices and taking a bribe at the sake of your health wasn’t worth it. Good for her. Its great to know she practices what she preaches.
5/19
Guess what? I’m still alive, barely. I can’t believe a body can physically go through so much and survive. For most of us, it is the first time we have felt proud of ourselves in a long time. No amount of money can measure up to having self-esteem. Not even $250,000.
5/20
Today was a dark day. Dark days are fantastic. There are no cameras to follow your every step. I would tell you what I did, but I would have to kill you. There were no cameras to document it. He He He!
5/21/07
Today was a challenge day. They made me sit out because I don’t run as fast as everyone else. At first I was disappointed, but when I saw Hollie wipe out on that mountain I was kinda glad I didn’t have to do it. She was covered in blood and gravel. I guess having short legs isn’t so bad after all.
5/22/07
Today was our “last chance workout”. Sounds morbid, huh? It is!!! The sad thing is, even if we were to keel over and die, Jillian would probably still drag our dead bodies onto that scale tomorrow. She would giggle and say: “Poor Julie, God rest her soul, at least she lost another three pounds.”
5/23
Still here! Tonight we won the weigh-in. It was great. I actually lost 7 pounds. That’s right…7 pounds. It was sad that the Blue Team has to send someone home, but at least we can be together for another week. It makes all our hard work worthwhile. Hey, did I mention I lost 7 pounds?
5/24
Tonight the Blue Team eliminated Patty. That stinks. She was so sweet with every person who leaves, it gets tougher around here. You grow to love these people and it hurts to see them leave. I hope next time I see Patty; she is wearing a size 8 and showing off her gorgeous smile. She will definitely be missed.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Campus Diary: Julie Hadden, Week 3
"Yikes! I never knew a person could miss pizza so much."
5/12/07
Today was our first temptation. Yikes! I never knew a person could miss pizza so much. When I saw it sitting there it was like seeing a long lost friend. Kind of explains why I’m here, right?
5/13/07
Today was emotional. Being away from my only child on Mother’s Day really hurt. I kept thinking about how he probably made some cute little card and had no one to give it to. It’s hard on days like these to stay focused, but I know it will all be worth it in the end.
5/14/07
Today we got our butts handed to us on a plate by a bunch of kids! How bad is that? It’s bad enough to lose to another team…but to a kid who can’t even spell challenge…Yikes! Next time yellow team…Next time! 5
5/15/07
Today was our last chance workout. Last chance that is…for our trainer to drain every last drop of energy from our limp body than heave us on some torturous device and bring us to the brink of death. Sweet Sanjaya! Tomorrow we’ll probably start by digging our own graves. Ah…good times.
5/16/07
Today was our weigh in and my 35th birthday. I told my whole team that all I wanted for my birthday was for us to stay together. Thank heaven I got my wish. We were all so happy! Well, happy until we saw the faces of the Blue Team. I felt so sorry for them. I know this is a game, but sending some one home is no joke. It looks a lot easier on TV. I think tonight, instead of thanking god for our victory, I’m gonna spend my time asking god to give them an overwhelming sense of peace. I get the feeling we’re going to need their prayers soon enough.
5/17/07
Today was a really brutal day for me. Not just physically but emotionally. My son graduated from kindergarten today. OUCH! As a parent you live for moments like that. Hopefully being here will one day make up for all the things I’m missing. It’s worth it to think of a lifetime of happy and healthy memories that I’ll get to share with my familyToday the Blue Team eliminated Jerry. It was a sad day for everyone here. Personally, I think the Blue Team made a poor strategic choice, but then again it wasn’t my decision. We’ll see what happens next.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Campus Diary: Julie Hadden, Week 2
Today Jillian told me I was gonna walk until my legs fell off. Ha Ha Ha Ha. I thought she was kidding, not so much. By the end of the day I was walking like a new born giraffe. That Julian…she’s a barrel of laughs.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Campus Diary: Julie Hadden Week 1
“I’m glad I didn’t know how hard it was gonna be because if I know me, I never
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord Plans to Prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a future and a HOPE.”Jeremiah 29:11Today was the day. The day that will change everyday for the rest of my life. Words can’t describe what it felt like to finally hear the words “ You are going to the ranch” I was overwhelmed. Tears immediately began to flow. How does your mind grip around all these emotions at one time? A dream was coming true right before my eyes. How can I live without my husband and son for potentially four months? How am I gonna endure the pain I know I am about to face. Then an overwhelming sense of peace and thankfulness came over me J.D. told us that each of us was here for a reason I am gonna spend the next week, month, whatever trying to figure what that reason God has allowed this once in a lifetime opportunity, this second chance, for a reason. I have felt hopeless for a long time (about my weight), and thought for the first time I actually believe Jeremiah 29:11 not just in my head, but in my heart . I have hope. I have a future.
APRIL 25TH
(Climbing in the desert) Today I was one big ball of nerves. What would our first day be like? We drove for what seemed like hours, only to arrive in the middle of nowhere. Seriously… We were surrounded by dirt and cactus. First thing we had to do on camera was climb a steep hill covered by sand. “The first time up, I was panting so hard I could have blown tumbleweed across the plain. Yikes, I felt parts of me that I have not felt in years. I wanted to quit so bad, but was too embarrassed to. Dang it, if they can do it, so can I. You know what, the second third and fourth weren’t as bad. I felt proud of myself and everyone else. We did it!! And miraculously we all survived. I never thought I would say this but it actually felt good to break a sweat. I will sleep like a baby tonight. This will be the first day that I will not go to bed feeling defeated. It may have been hard, but I did it! I conquered that hill nothing could feel better.
APRIL 26TH
Let the games begin. Today was an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. You made it,…No you’re going home if you do not win the race through the desert. Sorry…we didn’t pick you…you are not good enough. Then like a Knight on a white horse. JILLIAN!! Words could never express how it felt to see her. All hope was gone, then in an instant it was back with a vengeance. Redemption in a leather jacket, jeans and some kickin boots. I cried like a baby. I couldn’t stop the tears.The Black Team…How appropriate. I love Black. I know we will kick some serious BOOTY!! Although Jillian does scare me a tiny bit YIKES.
APIRIL 27TH
First day of training PURE HELL…. I’m too tired to write anything else.
APRIL 28TH
Today during the brutal beating at the gym. Jillian had a heart to heart with me. She asked me why I was here, what was my goal. I told her I was to lose weight. That wasn’t good enough for her. She wanted deeper. If I don’t know what it is in life. What I am working toward then I am just being tossed in the wind. I told her that I feel selfish for being here (deep down)… She said taking care of yourself is never selfish. That dying at a young age and not being there for my child would be more selfish. She gave me a lot to think about. Why am I here, what is it I want out of life?
April 30th
Today we took a spinning class, needless to say I can barely walk. (They should really make those seats softer, not to mention bigger.) We were all exhausted afterwards when Jillian told us we were gonna go straight from our spinning class to hike Runyan. I thought hiking… that sounds like fun. …..WRONG!!!!!It was a stinkin mountain! When I looked up at that thing, I thought…She has lost her mind. I was panting just getting up the ramp to the entrance.Half way up when she told us we were ½ way there I seriously thought about quitting. Just giving up and dissolving into a pile of tears but I was too afraid of what Jillian would do She can be scary. Then I briefly thought about pushing her over the cliff, sitting down and having a snack. (Just kidding)Eventually I made it. It sucked to be the last one up, but I made it. To be honest I didn’t care who was first or last, I was just trying to catch my breath and not die. The pain really was excruciating. When we finished Jillian told us she was taking us to lunch. Wow…our first fun outing. Well… excited until she told us after lunch we had two more hours of cardio. So close…We should have known. That woman is a machine. You know what though…we were all still alive! BARELY!!!
May 4TH
Today my legs/knees hurt more than I could ever have imagined! I literally cried today because of the pain! I have no idea how I will make it through tomorrow. Everyday I pray for God to give me supernatural strength. I want to do my very best, but I don’t want to end up harming my legs permanently. This show is definitely not for wussies. You know … I’m glad I didn’t know how hard it was gonna be because if I know me, I never would have stepped on that plane.
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord Plans to Prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a future and a HOPE.”Jeremiah 29:11Today was the day. The day that will change everyday for the rest of my life. Words can’t describe what it felt like to finally hear the words “ You are going to the ranch” I was overwhelmed. Tears immediately began to flow. How does your mind grip around all these emotions at one time? A dream was coming true right before my eyes. How can I live without my husband and son for potentially four months? How am I gonna endure the pain I know I am about to face. Then an overwhelming sense of peace and thankfulness came over me J.D. told us that each of us was here for a reason I am gonna spend the next week, month, whatever trying to figure what that reason God has allowed this once in a lifetime opportunity, this second chance, for a reason. I have felt hopeless for a long time (about my weight), and thought for the first time I actually believe Jeremiah 29:11 not just in my head, but in my heart . I have hope. I have a future.
APRIL 25TH
(Climbing in the desert) Today I was one big ball of nerves. What would our first day be like? We drove for what seemed like hours, only to arrive in the middle of nowhere. Seriously… We were surrounded by dirt and cactus. First thing we had to do on camera was climb a steep hill covered by sand. “The first time up, I was panting so hard I could have blown tumbleweed across the plain. Yikes, I felt parts of me that I have not felt in years. I wanted to quit so bad, but was too embarrassed to. Dang it, if they can do it, so can I. You know what, the second third and fourth weren’t as bad. I felt proud of myself and everyone else. We did it!! And miraculously we all survived. I never thought I would say this but it actually felt good to break a sweat. I will sleep like a baby tonight. This will be the first day that I will not go to bed feeling defeated. It may have been hard, but I did it! I conquered that hill nothing could feel better.
APRIL 26TH
Let the games begin. Today was an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. You made it,…No you’re going home if you do not win the race through the desert. Sorry…we didn’t pick you…you are not good enough. Then like a Knight on a white horse. JILLIAN!! Words could never express how it felt to see her. All hope was gone, then in an instant it was back with a vengeance. Redemption in a leather jacket, jeans and some kickin boots. I cried like a baby. I couldn’t stop the tears.The Black Team…How appropriate. I love Black. I know we will kick some serious BOOTY!! Although Jillian does scare me a tiny bit YIKES.
APIRIL 27TH
First day of training PURE HELL…. I’m too tired to write anything else.
APRIL 28TH
Today during the brutal beating at the gym. Jillian had a heart to heart with me. She asked me why I was here, what was my goal. I told her I was to lose weight. That wasn’t good enough for her. She wanted deeper. If I don’t know what it is in life. What I am working toward then I am just being tossed in the wind. I told her that I feel selfish for being here (deep down)… She said taking care of yourself is never selfish. That dying at a young age and not being there for my child would be more selfish. She gave me a lot to think about. Why am I here, what is it I want out of life?
April 30th
Today we took a spinning class, needless to say I can barely walk. (They should really make those seats softer, not to mention bigger.) We were all exhausted afterwards when Jillian told us we were gonna go straight from our spinning class to hike Runyan. I thought hiking… that sounds like fun. …..WRONG!!!!!It was a stinkin mountain! When I looked up at that thing, I thought…She has lost her mind. I was panting just getting up the ramp to the entrance.Half way up when she told us we were ½ way there I seriously thought about quitting. Just giving up and dissolving into a pile of tears but I was too afraid of what Jillian would do She can be scary. Then I briefly thought about pushing her over the cliff, sitting down and having a snack. (Just kidding)Eventually I made it. It sucked to be the last one up, but I made it. To be honest I didn’t care who was first or last, I was just trying to catch my breath and not die. The pain really was excruciating. When we finished Jillian told us she was taking us to lunch. Wow…our first fun outing. Well… excited until she told us after lunch we had two more hours of cardio. So close…We should have known. That woman is a machine. You know what though…we were all still alive! BARELY!!!
May 4TH
Today my legs/knees hurt more than I could ever have imagined! I literally cried today because of the pain! I have no idea how I will make it through tomorrow. Everyday I pray for God to give me supernatural strength. I want to do my very best, but I don’t want to end up harming my legs permanently. This show is definitely not for wussies. You know … I’m glad I didn’t know how hard it was gonna be because if I know me, I never would have stepped on that plane.
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